Thursday, August 03, 2006

Lebanese War Jokes

A little Lebanese humour for these difficult days...This joke was found in a post on the Israeli newspaper Haaretz left by a Lebanese. Enjoy...

Abul Abed and his Lebanese Confidence
Olmert was sitting in his office wondering how to invade Lebanon when his telephone rang. "Hallo, Mr. Olmert!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Abul Abed,down at the tea house in Beirut! I am callin` to tell ya dat we are officially declaring war on you, yes you!" "Well" Olmert replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Abul Abed, after a moments calculation "there is myself, my cousin Mustafa, me next-door-neighbor Abou khaled, and the whole team from the tea house. That makes eight!" Olmert paused. "I must tell you Abul Abed, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Holy jeez," said Abul Abed. "I`ll have to call ya back!"

Sure enough,the next day, Abul Abed called again. "Mr. Olmert, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Abul Abed?", Olmert asked. "Well sir, we have two Mercedes 180, and a truck." Olmert sighed. "I must tell you Abul Abed, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also I`ve increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke." "Ya lateef", said Abul Abed, "I`ll be getting back to ya."

Sure enough, Abul Abed rang again the next day. "Mr. Olmert , the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We modified a helicopter with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four more neighbors have joined us as well!"Olmert was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Abul Abed that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I`ve increased my army to TWO MILLION!" "Lah lah lah lah," said Abul Abed, "I`ll have to call you back."

Sure enough, Abul Abed called again the next day. "Mr. Olmert I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off this war." "I`m sorry to hear that" said Olmert. "Why the sudden change of heart?""Well, sir," said Abul Abed, "we`ve all sat ourselves down and had a long chat, and come to realize that there is no way we can feed two million prisoners."
This is the Lebanese way!!!


Blogger Sam said...

Interesting Humor, not sure it's the right time but if more people learned that life can be fun then maybe just maybe we could experience peace. If these people could learn to laugh at a joke or maybe themselves a little we could all share a cold beer and smile.

8:12 PM  
Blogger Lilu said...

nice one :)

what would we do if not laugh? :)

9:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Thats not very funny kid. Let me see, you cant defend yourself OR tell a joke. This war is getting painful to watch from my comfy sofa, I'll tell ya

10:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fine, censor my jokes. I see that none of you are ready for true freedom anyway. I hope Hezbollah "wins" and all of you get to live by their rule. Say goodbye to your precious blog.. and computers and TV and roads and modern science and...

10:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I heard they closed all the Walmarts in Lebanon. Every last one. Closed. Would you believe, that all they have left are Targets?

11:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What? Too Soon?

11:10 PM  
Anonymous sanity said...

If thats all you have to add is a sick joke involving children then your a sad person. I hope that all your posts get pulled, and that no terrorits ever wins. I guess the word moron doesn't say enough about people like yourself.

12:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another joke:
An American, Ethiopian, Chinese and Israeli, diplomats all, were sitting in a bar.
A reporter came in and asked,"Excuse me, but may I have your opinion on the meat shortage?"
The American asked, "What's a shortage?"
The Ethiopian asked, "What's meat?"
The Chinese asked, "What's an opinion?"
and the Israeli asked, "What's excuse me?"

1:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a good analogy for all of you:

Americans:Winners is to

7:03 AM  
Blogger coffeeaddicted said...

the lebanese war joke is pretty funny indeed :)

11:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very cute joke indeed. "so.. how many Lebanese does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: NONE!. They would rather sit in the dark and bitch about it. Cmon folks..I love you, but you must take charge of your country. Run "all" of those who are using you "out". Your people deserve peace without the radicals.

1:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know... people are calling this WAR, the beginning of World War III?

It can not be World War III, because the FRENCH have not surrendered Yet.

1:34 PM  
Anonymous tool said...


5:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just had my cat neutered..... now he's French.

5:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Defiance, resistence through humor. I love it. Keep your spirit, guys. We all have to die and we only do it once.

10:44 PM  

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